Many of my friends are having their second baby. I am thrilled for them. Anyone who knows me gets my love of kids (could be why I became a teacher). I love seeing their baby bumps and hearing about their pregnancies. But this influx of second children among others has gotten me thinking...are we (am I) ready for another baby?
Michael and I have had many discussions on the number of kids we want and how far apart we'd like them to be. It's getting close to the time where we would probably think of having another child, but my mind has become filled with many doubts.
When I had Dylan there was this instant love that was greater than anything I'd ever felt before. And as he grows, so does that love. How can I share this feeling with someone else? Although many, many mothers have done this before me it still seems like an impossible feat. But I also didn't know the love I'd feel before Dylan, so maybe it's something like that.
I also worry about the time I'll have for Dylan. I am already a working mom, so I have enough guilt when I leave Dylan every morning. It's not that I fantasize about being a stay-at-home mom, because I love working and I love what I do. But I still have guilt that someone else gets to spend that quality time with him every day. A newborn needs a lot of attention and time, I feel like I was nursing Dylan around the clock. How will he feel when someone else is in my arms?
These doubts may seem silly to some, but they are real to me. They aren't enough to not have another baby, because I don't want Dylan to be an only child. I want him to have someone special to share secrets with, get into trouble with, and to put up with his annoying parents with. Ha! Realistically I know that no my love for Dylan won't diminish, and it will be exciting to see that love grow like flames from a candle. So maybe when the time comes to think about adding to our family, I won't be so nervous.
No comments:
Post a Comment