I have so many things I could blog about that I haven't yet (Dylan's 2nd birthday for one), but I really need the therapy that sometimes only writing can provide me.
Today was one of those teaching days where I wonder if I'm really doing what I'm meant to. I need to preface with the fact that I have one of the best classes I've ever had. However, I still work with prepubescent adolescents who are still searching for their way in the world and sometimes make decisions I can't agree with.
Let's start with the test anxiety I'm feeling. I completely agree that we need to evaluate teachers so those lazy, "only in it for summers off" kind of teachers are weeded out. I don't feel that evaluating teachers on how well students do on a standardized test is even a bit of a good idea. Now that I'm a mom I really understand how our children learn in different stages. This never changes. So the fact that someone (who's never even stepped foot in my class) can tell me that me kids have effectively completed 6th grade is RIDICULOUS! I know the growth my students have made. I've seen students who worked to raise their reading levels several grade levels, students who hated reading get told to put books away because I need to teach, students who didn't want to write a sentence write an essay. I've seen my kids mature from "elementary" students to middle school students. I may not be the greatest math or science or writing teacher, but I give my effort daily. It's not fair to them or me to be evaluated on these tests; especially with what we've gone through this round. So, yeah, I'm very anti-testing right now.
Then we can add in the fact that I am fighting factors out of my control daily. Kids who are home alone all night, who are raising brothers and sisters because their parents are working, kids who've had someone walk out on them, kids who do not see school as a priority. I am correcting behaviors daily because we seem to have different ideas of what is appropriate behavior for school. When correcting behaviors I get arguing, eye rolling, shoulder shrugging...the whole nine yards. Even though you aren't supposed to take it personally, after awhile it really wears on you.
So why am I questioning my career? I got into teaching because I wanted to make a difference, I wanted to impact young lives. Instead I feel like its a constant battle of controlling behaviors and teaching for tests. I was inspired by some great teachers in my life...is it too much to want to be that teacher? I'm not giving up anytime soon, but I am going to continue looking for inspiration and answers.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
When Will I be Ready?
Many of my friends are having their second baby. I am thrilled for them. Anyone who knows me gets my love of kids (could be why I became a teacher). I love seeing their baby bumps and hearing about their pregnancies. But this influx of second children among others has gotten me thinking...are we (am I) ready for another baby?
Michael and I have had many discussions on the number of kids we want and how far apart we'd like them to be. It's getting close to the time where we would probably think of having another child, but my mind has become filled with many doubts.
When I had Dylan there was this instant love that was greater than anything I'd ever felt before. And as he grows, so does that love. How can I share this feeling with someone else? Although many, many mothers have done this before me it still seems like an impossible feat. But I also didn't know the love I'd feel before Dylan, so maybe it's something like that.
I also worry about the time I'll have for Dylan. I am already a working mom, so I have enough guilt when I leave Dylan every morning. It's not that I fantasize about being a stay-at-home mom, because I love working and I love what I do. But I still have guilt that someone else gets to spend that quality time with him every day. A newborn needs a lot of attention and time, I feel like I was nursing Dylan around the clock. How will he feel when someone else is in my arms?
These doubts may seem silly to some, but they are real to me. They aren't enough to not have another baby, because I don't want Dylan to be an only child. I want him to have someone special to share secrets with, get into trouble with, and to put up with his annoying parents with. Ha! Realistically I know that no my love for Dylan won't diminish, and it will be exciting to see that love grow like flames from a candle. So maybe when the time comes to think about adding to our family, I won't be so nervous.
Michael and I have had many discussions on the number of kids we want and how far apart we'd like them to be. It's getting close to the time where we would probably think of having another child, but my mind has become filled with many doubts.
When I had Dylan there was this instant love that was greater than anything I'd ever felt before. And as he grows, so does that love. How can I share this feeling with someone else? Although many, many mothers have done this before me it still seems like an impossible feat. But I also didn't know the love I'd feel before Dylan, so maybe it's something like that.
I also worry about the time I'll have for Dylan. I am already a working mom, so I have enough guilt when I leave Dylan every morning. It's not that I fantasize about being a stay-at-home mom, because I love working and I love what I do. But I still have guilt that someone else gets to spend that quality time with him every day. A newborn needs a lot of attention and time, I feel like I was nursing Dylan around the clock. How will he feel when someone else is in my arms?
These doubts may seem silly to some, but they are real to me. They aren't enough to not have another baby, because I don't want Dylan to be an only child. I want him to have someone special to share secrets with, get into trouble with, and to put up with his annoying parents with. Ha! Realistically I know that no my love for Dylan won't diminish, and it will be exciting to see that love grow like flames from a candle. So maybe when the time comes to think about adding to our family, I won't be so nervous.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Commencement
I finished grad school a few weeks ago. It was a big feat and since I know have a little time back I wanted to write about this adventure. Of course, the holidays hit and I was crazy busy; then I wanted to spend time with my favorite guys. Since school starts again Monday I figured I would stop procrastinating.
My parents never graduated from college, so getting my degree seemed like a big deal, mainly because I've always been a pleaser and I wanted to make them proud. College didn't seem like a choice...it seemed like a priority. All of this "pressure" and I still didn't feel like graduating was an accomplishment. I'd been in school most of my life, what was a few more years? Then I joined the "real world" and began working and taking care of myself. I knew that someday I would want to pursue a Masters degree, but that seemed so far away I put it out of my mind. Several years later the state government decided to pass a new law...teachers would no longer be paid according to level of experience. If I wanted to be paid as a Master teacher I had to start on my degree right away. The drawback here...I had just had a baby and was on maternity leave. I applied right away and was accepted into grad school at Ball State.
I spent two years trying to balance being a mom, wife, teacher, and student. It was a struggle. I slacked at doing housework, I didn't cook like I'd wanted, and I had to ignore my son at times when I would have rather been with him. I learned how great my partner was when he stepped in to pick up all the slack I had left behind. He deserves a medal or a parade! I was a less than par teacher; I had to spend extra time on homework and projects instead of spending time on lesson plans and school projects. I wasn't even a great student because I didn't have the energy to put into class work like I had during my undergrad.
At this point I don't know if it was all worth it, but I feel like I did make an accomplishment this time. I chose to further my education. I took a path that will hopefully better my future. And I will be able to teach my children that their mother doesn't back down from a tough challenge, but instead faces it head on and wins.
As 2013 rolls out I hope that I can use all this "extra" time to meet some other goals I have.
My parents never graduated from college, so getting my degree seemed like a big deal, mainly because I've always been a pleaser and I wanted to make them proud. College didn't seem like a choice...it seemed like a priority. All of this "pressure" and I still didn't feel like graduating was an accomplishment. I'd been in school most of my life, what was a few more years? Then I joined the "real world" and began working and taking care of myself. I knew that someday I would want to pursue a Masters degree, but that seemed so far away I put it out of my mind. Several years later the state government decided to pass a new law...teachers would no longer be paid according to level of experience. If I wanted to be paid as a Master teacher I had to start on my degree right away. The drawback here...I had just had a baby and was on maternity leave. I applied right away and was accepted into grad school at Ball State.
I spent two years trying to balance being a mom, wife, teacher, and student. It was a struggle. I slacked at doing housework, I didn't cook like I'd wanted, and I had to ignore my son at times when I would have rather been with him. I learned how great my partner was when he stepped in to pick up all the slack I had left behind. He deserves a medal or a parade! I was a less than par teacher; I had to spend extra time on homework and projects instead of spending time on lesson plans and school projects. I wasn't even a great student because I didn't have the energy to put into class work like I had during my undergrad.
At this point I don't know if it was all worth it, but I feel like I did make an accomplishment this time. I chose to further my education. I took a path that will hopefully better my future. And I will be able to teach my children that their mother doesn't back down from a tough challenge, but instead faces it head on and wins.
As 2013 rolls out I hope that I can use all this "extra" time to meet some other goals I have.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Organized Boards
I have always been the kind of person who waits until something looks dirty until I clean it. This means I would have marathon cleaning binges. With the beginning of a new school year (with a lot of changes in the works), another semester of grad classes, and a growing and moving toddler, I can no longer be this person. I searched Pinterest for chore board ideas. Many of them seemed to complicated for me. But then I found one I liked. (Example) I liked the simplicity of it, and used it as a model.
I went to Michael's for my supplies. I found huge frames (11x14) on clearance for $6 and scrapbook paper (which was also on sale for half off). At home I already had stencils and a Sharpie. I measured and cut my paper into 3 sections: daily, weekly, and monthly cleaning. (You can always use one background, but I liked the clean division.) Then I listed the chores. Some of the charts I had seen on Pinterest listed every single chore, but I just combined things because I knew what I meant. I just needed a way to keep track of things that had been done and things I still needed to do. I loved how it turned out, so I also made a menu/note board. I can keep track of the dinners and notes for the week (helping with shopping and deciding what to do every night). A dry erase marker lets you use these over and over.
I hope these help me to be a little more organized at home this year.
I went to Michael's for my supplies. I found huge frames (11x14) on clearance for $6 and scrapbook paper (which was also on sale for half off). At home I already had stencils and a Sharpie. I measured and cut my paper into 3 sections: daily, weekly, and monthly cleaning. (You can always use one background, but I liked the clean division.) Then I listed the chores. Some of the charts I had seen on Pinterest listed every single chore, but I just combined things because I knew what I meant. I just needed a way to keep track of things that had been done and things I still needed to do. I loved how it turned out, so I also made a menu/note board. I can keep track of the dinners and notes for the week (helping with shopping and deciding what to do every night). A dry erase marker lets you use these over and over.
 |
| Cleaning Board |
 |
| Menu/Note Board |
 |
| Menu/Note Board filled out |
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Goodbye to Another Summer
Today was my last day of summer break. Originally I was going to go to a workshop for the new common core standards, but yesterday I started feeling really bad about not being with my little man and I backed out. I am not normally this person, and I did feel terribly guilty. But, I feel more guilty about going back to work tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, I love teaching and I am super excited about this year. I love getting a new group of kiddos every year and learning who they are and letting them get to know me. But I will miss Dylan more than words can express. There's something amazing about getting to be the first and last thing he sees everyday. I am actually tearing up as I write this...I think tomorrow may be a bit difficult.
I wanted our last day to be a blast! So, Michael worked from home (and is doing most of his work tonight so he could be with us during the day) and we took Dylan to the movies. At 10:00 AM, they have $1 kid movies everyday during the summer. We figured if Dylan cried or got antsy we wouldn't be out a lot of money. This week they were showing The Smurfs. Dylan LOVES Toy Story and will sit through any of them, but we weren't sure about The Smurfs. He did GREAT! We sat through the whole thing and he only got loud once, but I think he was yelling at Gargamel.
We then ran to Target to get a few things, grabbed lunch, and Dylan took a nap. (I took one too, because by this time I was struggling with a headache.) After his nap I wanted to take Dylan to Saxony Beach. It's this neat little beach area that is less than a mile from our house. I was really bummed when we got there and it was closed. We came home and I filled up his little pool and he had fun splashing away.
Next we took a family field trip to Lowe's (Michael tells Dylan it's Daddy's toy store) and got some home improvement ideas. We will be starting one very soon! After a yummy dinner at Noodles and Co we came home for our nighttime routine. Tucking my little monkey in tonight was hard because I know I won't see him in the morning...or all day. But I know when I pick him up I will get a BIG smile. I am going to work hard and be a good (great) teacher, but I will be counting the days until our two weeks off in October.
Here's to a great summer!
Don't get me wrong, I love teaching and I am super excited about this year. I love getting a new group of kiddos every year and learning who they are and letting them get to know me. But I will miss Dylan more than words can express. There's something amazing about getting to be the first and last thing he sees everyday. I am actually tearing up as I write this...I think tomorrow may be a bit difficult.
I wanted our last day to be a blast! So, Michael worked from home (and is doing most of his work tonight so he could be with us during the day) and we took Dylan to the movies. At 10:00 AM, they have $1 kid movies everyday during the summer. We figured if Dylan cried or got antsy we wouldn't be out a lot of money. This week they were showing The Smurfs. Dylan LOVES Toy Story and will sit through any of them, but we weren't sure about The Smurfs. He did GREAT! We sat through the whole thing and he only got loud once, but I think he was yelling at Gargamel.
We then ran to Target to get a few things, grabbed lunch, and Dylan took a nap. (I took one too, because by this time I was struggling with a headache.) After his nap I wanted to take Dylan to Saxony Beach. It's this neat little beach area that is less than a mile from our house. I was really bummed when we got there and it was closed. We came home and I filled up his little pool and he had fun splashing away.
Next we took a family field trip to Lowe's (Michael tells Dylan it's Daddy's toy store) and got some home improvement ideas. We will be starting one very soon! After a yummy dinner at Noodles and Co we came home for our nighttime routine. Tucking my little monkey in tonight was hard because I know I won't see him in the morning...or all day. But I know when I pick him up I will get a BIG smile. I am going to work hard and be a good (great) teacher, but I will be counting the days until our two weeks off in October.
Here's to a great summer!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
My Monkey is One!
I realized recently that I never blogged about Dylan's first birthday and it is an event I want to remember. (Plus, blogging is a great way to procrastinate doing my grad work.)
Dylan has been our little monkey since before he was born. We decorated his nursery with monkeys, I got monkey clothes for him, and I even had maternity pictures taken with our favorite monkey. So of course his first birthday party had to be monkey themed.
I began searching Pinterest for ideas months before his actual birthday. Making his party outstanding became a small obsession. I wanted to make my own decorations, but I had never really done anything like it before. After months of work, and a tiny fortune (when you buy a little here and a little there over a course of time...it adds up) I had the results I wanted. Here's a peek into his party.
Michael asked me if I am only going to do this for his 1st birthday, and I told him probably. But, this party was so great I may change my answer on that one! I can't believe my little guy is growing so fast. I am happy to have so many pictures to keep these memories alive.
Dylan has been our little monkey since before he was born. We decorated his nursery with monkeys, I got monkey clothes for him, and I even had maternity pictures taken with our favorite monkey. So of course his first birthday party had to be monkey themed.
I began searching Pinterest for ideas months before his actual birthday. Making his party outstanding became a small obsession. I wanted to make my own decorations, but I had never really done anything like it before. After months of work, and a tiny fortune (when you buy a little here and a little there over a course of time...it adds up) I had the results I wanted. Here's a peek into his party.
 |
| Banners: I added monthly pictures to the number ones. |
 |
| Party favors: they were filled with yellow, green, and brown M&Ms. |
 |
| Up close |
 |
| Palm trees Michael and I worked on together. |
 |
| Kids' favors: cute bears I couldn't resist! |
 |
| Table center pieces: I thought the blue table clothes looked "ocean-like" with the palm trees. |
 | |
| Balloon Drop (Kids loved this!) |
 |
| Fabulous monkey cake I ordered from a friend. It was yummy and cute! |
 |
| Dylan's Smash Cake |
 |
| He loved it! |
 |
| Mommy and the birthday boy. |
Sunday, July 1, 2012
First Family Vacation
(I have been trying to finish this for weeks. I finally just ignored grad work and house stuff to finish.)
We did it! We flew on an airplane...twice...with a toddler and survived!
I have been really antsy for awhile. I needed a get-away badly. So Michael and I planned a trip to Florida. My BIL and his wife invited us to stay with them and we took them up on the offer. Bonus: they still had all their baby stuff so we could travel "lightly".
I am always a wreck before any flight. I'm not nervous about flying; I'm nervous about missing a flight. We are always at the airport super early because I get nervous about checking-in and security. This trip was no different. Getting through security with a toddler was a sight! We had about a half dozen of those tubs for shoes, bags, laptop, camera, etc... and then we had to fold up the stroller and put it through. Then we had to collect everything and they had to test the liquids in the sippy cups. Once we were through security I was able to breathe normally again. (For the most part...I still had to fly with a toddler!)
We boarded the plane and a nice gentleman was our seatmate. I immediately felt bad for him because I didn't know what could happen. He said he'd been through this with his own kids, and not to worry (like that stopped me.) Before take off the flight attendant informed the man there was an empty seat a few rows up if he would like to move. He said he was fine, but she told him it was more for our sake, and Michael said he wouldn't hurt our feelings, so he took the other seat. This was a blessing because Dylan was antsy and after we got in the air he began getting fussy and whiny. He didn't want snacks or drinks or toys. I knew he was tired, but he wouldn't sleep. Finally, after passing him back and forth a few times Dylan finally fell asleep in my arms. The rest of the flight was great. And after we landed everyone around us cooed over him (happens everywhere we go!).
We spent the next 6 days having a blast. We spent all of our time with Michael's brother and SIL and their beautiful 6 year old twin girls. We went to Orlando and visited Downtown Disney for some shopping. We ran into our good friends, the Ho family, who was also on vacation. We all had dinner together; 6 adults and 6 kids! We stayed overnight and had breakfast with Pluto and Goofy. Dylan loved that! We spent a day at Clearwater Beach, but Dylan was NOT a big fan. He did much better when we went back another evening and just walked the shore (it was a lot cooler and that helped).
We had fun the whole trip, but my FAVORITE part was our last full day. We went to Busch Gardens! I loved seeing the animals, eating food, and riding rides, but my favorite part was the Sesame Street area they have. You know you are a parent when your excitement stems from the happiness of your kids. Dylan LOVED this park. He got to meet some of the characters he loves watching on TV. He had his picture taken with almost all of them. He enjoyed going through the giant tree-house with Michael, bouncing on the rope bridges. He liked riding the carousel. But the part he really enjoyed was the splash park. He would run around getting wet and when he got splashed in the face he would squeal and go in for more. He also enjoyed an animal show that had critters doing all kinds of things. I can't wait until he's bigger and understands even more.
We had a great trip! We did so much and spent time with family we don't see often enough. When we got home and started looking through pictures I was already mentally planning another one, but Michael said "We just got home!" HA! I loved this trip and can't wait to take many more with my wonderful guys!
We did it! We flew on an airplane...twice...with a toddler and survived!
I have been really antsy for awhile. I needed a get-away badly. So Michael and I planned a trip to Florida. My BIL and his wife invited us to stay with them and we took them up on the offer. Bonus: they still had all their baby stuff so we could travel "lightly".
I am always a wreck before any flight. I'm not nervous about flying; I'm nervous about missing a flight. We are always at the airport super early because I get nervous about checking-in and security. This trip was no different. Getting through security with a toddler was a sight! We had about a half dozen of those tubs for shoes, bags, laptop, camera, etc... and then we had to fold up the stroller and put it through. Then we had to collect everything and they had to test the liquids in the sippy cups. Once we were through security I was able to breathe normally again. (For the most part...I still had to fly with a toddler!)
We boarded the plane and a nice gentleman was our seatmate. I immediately felt bad for him because I didn't know what could happen. He said he'd been through this with his own kids, and not to worry (like that stopped me.) Before take off the flight attendant informed the man there was an empty seat a few rows up if he would like to move. He said he was fine, but she told him it was more for our sake, and Michael said he wouldn't hurt our feelings, so he took the other seat. This was a blessing because Dylan was antsy and after we got in the air he began getting fussy and whiny. He didn't want snacks or drinks or toys. I knew he was tired, but he wouldn't sleep. Finally, after passing him back and forth a few times Dylan finally fell asleep in my arms. The rest of the flight was great. And after we landed everyone around us cooed over him (happens everywhere we go!).
We spent the next 6 days having a blast. We spent all of our time with Michael's brother and SIL and their beautiful 6 year old twin girls. We went to Orlando and visited Downtown Disney for some shopping. We ran into our good friends, the Ho family, who was also on vacation. We all had dinner together; 6 adults and 6 kids! We stayed overnight and had breakfast with Pluto and Goofy. Dylan loved that! We spent a day at Clearwater Beach, but Dylan was NOT a big fan. He did much better when we went back another evening and just walked the shore (it was a lot cooler and that helped).
We had fun the whole trip, but my FAVORITE part was our last full day. We went to Busch Gardens! I loved seeing the animals, eating food, and riding rides, but my favorite part was the Sesame Street area they have. You know you are a parent when your excitement stems from the happiness of your kids. Dylan LOVED this park. He got to meet some of the characters he loves watching on TV. He had his picture taken with almost all of them. He enjoyed going through the giant tree-house with Michael, bouncing on the rope bridges. He liked riding the carousel. But the part he really enjoyed was the splash park. He would run around getting wet and when he got splashed in the face he would squeal and go in for more. He also enjoyed an animal show that had critters doing all kinds of things. I can't wait until he's bigger and understands even more.
We had a great trip! We did so much and spent time with family we don't see often enough. When we got home and started looking through pictures I was already mentally planning another one, but Michael said "We just got home!" HA! I loved this trip and can't wait to take many more with my wonderful guys!
 |
| Dyl with his beautiful cousins, Brooke and Ashley |
 |
| The Build-a-Dino we just had to get! |
 |
| Family! |
 |
| Yay to sunsets on the beach! |
 |
| Brooke with Uncle Michael and Dad (Marcus) |
 |
| Brooke, me, Ashley, Debbie, and Dylan |
 |
| Family pic with some characters (sorry it's a bit blurry) |
 |
| Dylan meeting Elmo (His favorite) and Big Bird |
 |
| His face says it all! |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)