Teaching Woes

I have so many things I could blog about that I haven't yet (Dylan's  2nd birthday for one), but I really need the therapy that sometimes only writing can provide me.

Today was one of those teaching days where I wonder if I'm really doing what I'm meant to. I need to preface with the fact that I have one of the best classes I've ever had. However, I still work with prepubescent adolescents who are still searching for their way in the world and sometimes make decisions I can't agree with.

Let's start with the test anxiety I'm feeling. I completely agree that we need to evaluate teachers so those lazy, "only in it for summers off" kind of teachers are weeded out. I don't feel that evaluating teachers on how well students do on a standardized test is even a bit of a good idea. Now that I'm a mom I really understand how our children learn in different stages. This never changes. So the fact that someone (who's never even stepped foot in my class) can tell me that me kids have effectively completed 6th grade is RIDICULOUS! I know the growth my students have made. I've seen students who worked to raise their reading levels several grade levels, students who hated reading get told to put books away because I need to teach, students who didn't want to write a sentence write an essay. I've seen my kids mature from "elementary" students to middle school students. I may not be the greatest math or science or writing teacher, but I give my effort daily. It's not fair to them or me to be evaluated on these tests; especially with what we've gone through this round. So, yeah, I'm very anti-testing right now.

Then we can add in the fact that I am fighting factors out of my control daily. Kids who are home alone all night, who are raising brothers and sisters because their parents are working, kids who've had someone walk out on them, kids who do not see school as a priority. I am correcting behaviors daily because we seem to have different ideas of what is appropriate behavior for school. When correcting behaviors I get arguing, eye rolling, shoulder shrugging...the whole nine yards. Even though you aren't supposed to take it personally, after awhile it really wears on you.

So why am I questioning my career? I got into teaching because I wanted to make a difference, I wanted to impact young lives. Instead I feel like its a constant battle of controlling behaviors and teaching for tests. I was inspired by some great teachers in my life...is it too much to want to be that teacher? I'm not giving up anytime soon, but I am going to continue looking for inspiration and answers.